Monday, April 25, 2011

Choosing to See...

God's timing is always perfect.  Sometimes we can see it, if we are looking...if we choose to see.  This whole process has been filled with beautiful gifts from God---at His perfect timing.  And as I continue down this path, I will keep looking out for God...choosing to see.

About 8 months ago, my family took a vacation to Florida.  It was our first "big" vacation as a family and we had a blessed time.  On the trip, I took many, many photos of the boys---probably too many.  One of the photos, I entered into a photo contest.  The grand prize was a free week stay in a beach house---in Florida.  Of course, I wanted to win---but I did not really think I would.  But guess what, I did win---and I just returned from another Florida beach vacation.  I tell you this, not to brag---by no means, but to share the significance I found as I reflected---in the car---on the way home.  Eight months ago, at the exact time we were traveling to Florida---I was filling out the paperwork for the embryo adoption.  I was actually trying to get it in the mail prior to leaving for the trip, but ended up carrying the paperwork with me to finish while I was on vacation.  When we returned from our trip and we mailed the paperwork the following Monday.  Why is this significant, you ask?  Well, as I was preparing to leave for this current trip, I received an email from the adoption agency confirming the transfer date for the embryos.  It was the Monday after I returned from my trip.  It is TODAY.  Mailing the initial paperwork was a HUGE step for me---and today, well---it is hard for me to even put it into words.  It is the transfer date.  Today is the day 3 embryos will be thawed and soon we will know what God's plan is for these embryos.  It is a BIG day, indeed.  While I am not exactly sure of the significance of two trips prior to these big events, I know it is significant.  Maybe I needed a mental break, some refreshing of my soul....I don't know, but I do know God's timing was perfect and it was a huge gift to me.  I mean, really---who wins a free vacation, not me---I have never won anything.  NEVER.  Not-to-mention, that the vacation was planned prior to us even being matched with a family.  Perfect timing.

As I was in the car, I began to reflect on all the gifts from God along the way.  He has revealed Himself to me so many times.

I remembered a precious birthday present I received from a couple of my girlfriends....early in the process.  They had a necklace special made for me with six beautiful beads.  The six beads were significant to the number of embryos going up for adoption and their valued lives.  The necklace is a tangible reminder of the process and God's hand in all of it.  Thank you sweet soul sisters.

I remembered the sweet gift of one door closing and quickly another one opening.  Our adoptive family was not the first family we were matched with.  Our initial match was with a wonderful family from the North.  While we were both excited about this match, the family was unsure of having to use 3 embryos, if 3 made the thawing process.  With that said, Billy and I were firm on our beliefs that if 3 made the thaw, then 3 would have to be transfered.  So the decision was made by the other family to humbly find another family.  I was grateful that they brought up these questions prior to being in the midst of the process.  I genuinely wished them the best on their journey.  The door abruptly closed on us, but in God's perfect timing, another one opened to the sweet family doing the transfer today.  We did not have to wait on another family, at all.  I received the email from the family saying no to us----at the exact time I received the email with the profile of the current family.  It was a beautiful blessing from God.

Another sweet gift from God is that Billy and the adoptive father share the same first name.  It was kind-of cool to connect with them in that way.

I remembered the day we mailed the final adoption contract.  Billy and I came together and prayed over the envelope.  It was an emotional day for us.  The peace that only God can give washed over both of us.  After walking down to my mailbox, I returned and checked my email.  I had an email from a dear dear woman in my life.  She was my high school boyfriend's mother.  She was like a second mother to me---over the 4 years I dated her son.  Even though, my relationship ended with her son, our relationship still remained.  We have continued to stay in touch for over 15 years.  She even came to my wedding.  I truly love her.  With that said, she had no clue that I was in the midst of the process of adopting out the embryos.  We had been in touch catching up with each other through email.  But much to my surprise, I received her email, the evening of mailing the contract---the final contract to this adoption.  The significance of her email was God's perfect timing. And it brought me to my knees, in AWE.  I forgot to mention that her children were adopted.  And for some reason, on this particular evening, she decided to share with me how much adoption blessed her life---completely out of the blue.  Here are her words exactly "I always said that God blessing me with my children through adoption made me a whole person. Without them I would have never been whole and I look at you and I know that you are also a whole person.  I love you!"  God's perfect timing, indeed.

One of the last things I reflected on was the significance of April 25.  Not only was it the day of the transfer, but it is also one of my dearest friend's birthday.  She is a huge part of my spiritual journey and has challenged me to grow in my faith.  I have grown so much since knowing her and it was so appropriate that her birthday share the same day as the transfer.  April 25 will always hold a special meaning for me.  Forever.  Thank you God for your perfect timing.

Today is a wonderful day and I ask you to lift up the adoptive family in your prayers.  Please thank God for them and their desire to have children through this process.  Pray for the embryos as they are thawed.  Pray for God's will to shine through as we wait and see what will happen over the next 1-2 weeks.  Please pray that they will be blessed with a precious gift.  A gift of a baby.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.



  1. your an amazing woman to look up to!

  2. Tanni, Tanni, Tanni!!! I remember having a LONG conversation with you at dinner one night. I knew you were considering this process but didn't know you had decided for sure. I had no idea this blog existed. So, if these little sweet embryo's survive, will you have an open adoption and get pictures and things. Or is it totally private after all of this? I know this must be an emotional time for you. But I know you have prayed about it and that it is God's will. I hope those little babies make it!! What a lucky couple!! Can't wait to follow this journey....

  3. I love that you are chronicling this journey, and am so proud of you. What a selfless gift, words cannot even describe. Love you.

  4. Tanni - been thinking of you and the Adoptive Family. Prayers and more prayers! Let me know if you ever want to talk. Hugs - Sheila

  5. Hey Tanni, I have been thinking about you and got on here to check and see how things are going. HOpe that you and the adoptive family are doing well. :)